But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize