just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize