was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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