my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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