he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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