My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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