Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
did you just send me my own nude
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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