Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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