I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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