Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize