Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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