dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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