just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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