I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My bed smells like the plague
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