It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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