that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize