Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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