Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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