Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize