first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize