I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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