hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize