did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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