Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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