fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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