dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
