He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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