So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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