All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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