I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I looked at my own cervix.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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