do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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