when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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