you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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