Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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