The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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