I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize