I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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