I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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