i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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