My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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