Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize