If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We left the knife in your bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its liver damage thursday
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