Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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