i permit you to call me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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