You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize