Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize