Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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