Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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