3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize