Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
