true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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