i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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